My Mosaic

[AuntGlow]

@Bow This is so, so fair. You are allowed to experience a sense of hurt and frustration here. It sounds like you are feeling really let down by your supports, and it makes sense that you would need them now more than ever. I don't want to simply disregard this and focus solely on positives, so know that I am sitting with you and metaphorically holding your hand as you feel what you are feeling. 

In saying this, I am curious as to what you need most in this moment? 💛

[Bow]

I don’t know @AuntGlow 

@no idea 

[AuntGlow]

That's okay. Can you put a hand on your heart, take a few deep breaths, and say "I've got you"? @Bow Maybe you'd like to wrap yourself in a blanket and do as much as you can to keep yourself feeling warm and soothed. It sounds like that is what your body might be needing tonight. ❤️

[Bow]

Feel like such a burden to everyone
I’m too hard to work with too complicated

[AuntGlow]

Hi @Bow, it sounds like things are feeling rather intense for you today... please know that we don't see you as too hard to work with or too complicated. But I understand why your mind might be telling you these things. I can imagine that recent events would be reconfirming some core beliefs? But I promise you that your care team's inability to communicate or the hospital's inability to provide aftercare, do not reflect your worth in the slightest.

What have you been doing for yourself today? ❤️

[Bow]

Not much @AuntGlow  my SW finally came to see me. Haven’t really done much else 

[AuntGlow]

Okay, that's really good news @Bow! Would you feel comfortable telling me more about the appointment? 

[Bow]

I showed her around our new house, she really liked downstairs @AuntGlow  told her I have set it up mostly but haven’t really used it yet. 
we talked about my psych being away and the lack of support from comm mh. She was disappointed.  Disappointed that my CM won’t talk about my options for when my psychologist goes on maternity leave. 
I talked about my lack of motivation to do simple things. My struggle getting out. 
we are going to go visit safe haven tomorrow together. She thought maybe they could be some additional support while my psychologist is away? 
told her what some of my latest triggers might be…. Moving house, everything being unsettled around me… trauma anniversary. 
She said a number of times that it was great that I was still exercising. No. No it’s not. At least not to the extent that I am with such very little intake. She praised me a number of times. 

there was more I wanted to tell her. More I needed her to know. But I didn’t really have many words at all. I froze up a lot. 
I needed a more thorough check in.  I haven’t seen my gp in months. Haven’t had my bloods done in months. Haven’t seen my dietitian in months. And yep I’m an adult I should be able to do all that stuff on my own. But I can’t. 
no safety check in. SH

so while yes I was glad she finally came and did a home visit, I was disappointed, I was… no I am, frustrated with myself. 

[AuntGlow]

Oh yes! I remember you telling me about your set-up. Is this where all of the Disney-themed things are? 👀 @Bow 

I am so glad to hear she was on your side. Did that feel good to have someone in your corner? 💛

Save Haven, that's a great idea! 

And these triggers are so incredibly valid. You are allowed to feel all that you are feeling. It might be good to let her know that exercise isn't coming from a healthy place right now as well, when you feel you can. I am sure she would want to know, so she can support you even further. 

Honestly, all of those things can be really hard, please remember that. You are doing the best you can with a lot of big things to manage. Please be gentle with yourself tonight. I will be back to check-in on Sunday. ☺️

[Bow]

Been really triggered tonight. Panic setting it and it doesn’t feel ok