Lived Experience Forum

[Patticake]

Grief is many things. The loss of two sisters. The loss recently of my husband. I am finding it difficult missing his presence so much. I don’t want anyone else to tell me to get a hobby. I think I am going as well as expected. Grief from childhood abuse which has told on me for the rest of life. Depression confidence etc. etc. Three cancers probably due to stress. I have had great GPs and help. At the weekend  in the end I thought I am all alone despite good friends. I have to deal with it. Who wants to give graphic details to people. Now my son who has a mental health problem has befriended a much younger person. I try not to worry but there are a lot of aspects to that relationship and his health. The theme seems to be brave and carry on which really doesn’t help.

[Jynx]

Hey @Patticake totally feel you on how being given repetitive advice like 'get a hobby' can make us feel frustrated, and our pain very misunderstood. I think if you feel like you're going as well as can be expected, that is what matters most. Everyone has their own grieving process, and the notion of just 'keep your chin up! Carry on!' can feel horrendously invalidating. You deserve to be able to take your time, and manage your process in your own way. 

If ever you want to vent or unpack how you're feeling, I'm here to listen. And if some distraction could help, I'm always down for random chats too 💜

[Patticake]

Thank You.

[Glisten]

Hello @Patticake 👋🏼 you are in a safe place here.

I agree with @Jynx, it sucks that people give unsolicited advice. Grieving doesn’t stop, you learn what you need to do with it, for yourself.

As a parent you are always concerned about your children.
G

[Patticake]

I think some people are uncomfortable with silence or don’t listen and then rush to give a response without thinking.

[Owlunar2]

Hi @Patticake 

I am sorry you have had so much loss - and I know grief is hard yards - I have had my share and know - it's tough and it's lonely.

I wish there were some right words to share with you - alas - there are not. The only way to deal with grief is to go through it - there are no short cuts. I really feel for you because I know how dark the world is with serious grief.

What I can tell you is that the pain will ease in time. And I am really sorry about people having such a lack of insight to suggest you get a hobby. Hobbies and pass times are great in their place and you might find them helpful as you heal in the future. Really - the people who suggest that to you now are in the bliss of ignorance and best for low we leave them there - their time will come and we might be able to support them when they grieve - let's not think about that now.

One day at a time is too much - I got through my worst grief 20 minutes at a time - I wonder now how I managed living through that - I really identify with what you write.

It's different for different people and for different losses - bless you - it's so tough for you right now

Sending my best thoughts

Owlunar

[Patticake]

Thank you so much for your response. It really helps. Sometimes one day at a time can get too much.