Winter solstice

[Dimity]

Thankyou for sharing your experience @NatureLover. I'm deeply moved both by what you went through (and subsequent recovery), and by your generosity in sharing.

It sounds quite a journey. 

Looking back I can see a number of existential crises, breakdowns, and fractured career paths, sometimes all in one, and yes, time passed, but each time it took a real effort to relaunch myself. That always meant relaunching myself into work. This time I'll be taking responsibility for myself in a much wider sense, and trying to look out for my sister as well. 

[Dimity]

Ah yes @Appleblossom knowing what to do... but the helplessness isn't wilful. It's disability and incapacity coupled with denial due to fierce independence. 

Bob Carr and John Anderson had different politics but irradiated a sort of decency. Yes we must breath.

Can't change the history of historical trauma unfortunately but perhaps we can choose how we move on from it. Someone said something about 3 dimensions of the soul being memory, logic and intentions.

[NatureLover]

Thanks for your kind words, @Dimity ❤️

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@Dimity wrote:

Looking back I can see a number of existential crises, breakdowns, and fractured career paths, sometimes all in one, and yes, time passed, but each time it took a real effort to relaunch myself.

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It sounds like your journey has been very rocky 😞

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@Dimity wrote:

This time I'll be taking responsibility for myself in a much wider sense, and trying to look out for my sister as well.

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This sounds healthy, but also challenging...we will be here to support you 💚

[Appleblossom]

@Dimity 

I hear your compassion for her based on knowledge of her trauma. 

I understand helplessness and willfulness are complex concepts.  I had an overpriveleged over educated sister in law ... call out my son for deliberately dropping a soft toy to get attention ... while I was entertaining the overseas in-laws at the zoo.  They were too good at dismissing people but justifyling themselves.  I was exhausted and my son was 2-3! Trailing behind at the end of a multigenerational and multicultural family group. He still is not allowed to get away with much ... which is why I NEED to stand by him through his mental health challenges. It is a werid world ...that has been his life. 

Do your best and do not forget your own oxygen mask.  I am glad to have found you as a firend.

[Owlunar]

One day at a time @Dimity - I think - among other things - you have SAD - Seasonal Affective Disorder, I get this myself

But this year I seem to be too busy and we have past the solstice with my thinking about it much - but the weather is Melbourne has been freezing and not the best way to enjoy life - even when it's sunny the wind-chill is high.

Everything is harder in winter - including family issues - I do hear you and I do understand - there are 10 weeks off winter left now and soon the days will start to draw out.

I hope you can last the distance without too much angst - I will be thinking of you

Owlunar

[Dimity]

Thankyou @Owlunar @Appleblossom @NatureLover .

It still seems quite dark, and yesterday a neighbour cut down the flowering senna - its  golden flowers brightened the garden. I planted it perhaps 15 or 20 years ago. 

Words fail me far too often  and I have nothing to say right now except that I appreciate your support. 

[Appleblossom]

Hey @Dimity Really feeling the Melbourne cold.  Been out and about dealing with tunnel shenanigans.

Losing a plant that gave you happiness is no good.  Did they bother to ask you or discuss how the plant was an issue on their side?  Neighbouring fences can be tricky to navigate.

I would be pretty upset. Seems we are both up late.  Here for a little while.

Gentle Hugs

Freezing hands even tho I wore gloves.

[Dimity]

It's the body corporate garden @Appleblossom and the neighbour has said he wants nothing but lawn. He's been systematically removing things for months without discussion or permission in defiance of meeting minutes.

The cold is in my bones. The cat's too, but a trip to the vet yesterday relieved his arthritis - he had his regular injection earlier than planned, and it's helped.

[Appleblossom]

glad the cat is being helped. @Dimity 

feeling my arthritis, but was very chatty on the train... 3 conversations is quite a bit for me.

How many are in the body corporate?  Its a nuisance that he is being deliberate, but maybe others have feelings or input as well.  I guess you cannot get back what has been cut down, but lawn is less popular these days ... no longer a norm ...more of an option.

I am learning to get used to opposition ... without caving in completely.  I poushed back at choir a few weeks ago ... for me it was out of characher ... but it seems I am getting respect.  Not sure how you stand firm ...  but talk about it... and get feedback from others...

/

[Dimity]

It's a smallish BC @Appleblossom and the oldies who like the garden are outnumbered. Nevertheless his tactics rile me, and I called him out on it in a group email..  enquiring if he was responsible. I raised some other issues as well but don't expect a reply. 

You're brave on public transport at night and when there are so many disruptions. I remember many years ago trams with conductors... when I was living in inner suburbs... happy days.

I sometimes feel like a lone crusader but have had support from time to time re my pet greenie projects. My next door neighbour is sympathetic.  In its heyday the garden scored dozens of free tubestock from council but some never appreciated indigenous plants or ground covers. I let them go, but am fighting harder now framework trees and shrubs are being targeted.

You'll probably have turned in by the time I send this. I'm glad you have your choirs  and that you are able to assert yourself. Solo or chorus, you have a voice.

I'll try to settle. When I'm feeling down I find it hard to face the clocking over of the day - l feel vulnerable when I try to sleep as the fears and sometimes memories crowd in, and it's hard to face the day when I wake.